There is little to be said for Christmas when one's entire family, with the exception of one's mother-in-law and one's self, now reside in the cemetery.
No matter how much you smile, no matter how many "Merry Christmases" you wish, no matter how many times you say "Oh, I'm fine!" and no matter how many times you say "Oh, if I just keep faking it, I'll make it!"--it doesn't make any of it so!!!
You don't care whether anybody else's Christmas is merry or not...cause yours is a pile of crap. And you're not fine! You may not be a blubbering, simpering fool--but you're certainly NOT fine! And the cheery smile and well wishes (i.e., faking it) aren't going to help you make it!!! Nothing but hanging on by the sheer force of your amazingly strong will is going to allow you to make it.
The wind is blowing a gale outside, and the chill factor is 20 degrees. That translates into no poinsettias on at the cemetery--cause I'm afraid I'd freeze right before I blew off the ladder and shatter into a million pieces...oh well, don't guess they know the difference anyway.
Tonight it will be put on the "happy face" and go to Karen's for presents and cheer....now I could care less about presents and am certainly not cheery! But that's what "we" always do--well hell, doesn't anybody but me remember there isn't a "we" anymore??
Ah, but it's Christmas, and I shouldn't ruin everybody else's good time, just because my life is full of crap...so here comes the makeup, the christmas clothes and the "being of good cheer".
Wish me luck!
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